There is nothing lonelier, more frustrating, more confusing, more aggravating, more depressing, harder on sleep and happiness, more unpleasant, more terrifying, more uncertain, and generally harder on the intestines than Trying To Do The Right Thing.
On the one hand, I see a serious problem. I can't just let that problem lie there looming -- it's not in my nature. I have a deep-seated need to know that there is hope, and will push in the direction of hope if I can.
But it is a painful process. Trying to lead when I am by no means certain of the right thing to do is more frightening than anything else I can imagine. Taking the heat from all sides is painful. The sheer painful need to *yell* is remarkably intense, and not always easy to keep in check, but a luxury I can't afford.
So if I seem to be occasionally a bit cranky, forgive me. All I really *want* is to spend this month reading comics, playing games, writing and designing -- anything but Dealing. Hell, I'd like to pull the sheets over my head and whimper; keeping myself on the fair side of the Depression borderline is one of the hardest parts of this. But that doesn't appear to be an option.
Sigh. I need a hug.
Okay, rant over, and happy face back on. (Well, no -- but at least calm face back on.) I am reminded of exactly why I sometimes hate being in a position of leadership...