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Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death...
Deeply though I loved Jane, I have to say that I'll be glad to get to the point where not every moment is about her death.

Today was one of those days. First, I spent an hour or two chasing around the house, scaring up the appropriate personal effects for her burial. I found everything except her best Pelican medallions. I suspect that they are in her good mirror box, which appears to have vanished into the same black hole as our white folding table. No doubt I'll find it sometime in the coming months. I'm taking this as a sign that she is looking down and asking me to pass them on to appropriate candidates instead of burying them with her.

Then tpau came over with the newly-created shift, and we went to the funeral home. We passed on the stuff to a rather bemused and slightly confused Mark Douglass (the funeral director), with detailed instructions about how all the clothing works. I suspect this is the first time he's had to be instructed in how to use a belt, to say nothing of the coronet. (tpau gave him her contact info, with strict directions to call her with the inevitable questions.)

Then I met with the groundskeeper of the cemetary, who showed me where the gravesite is. (Directions to follow, for those coming on Monday.) He explained to me that, while it's a hassle, the snow was actually a bit of a blessing, because it insulated the ground -- breaking the grave didn't involve digging into essentially solid ice.

And then I went suit shopping, which was the most bittersweet part of the day. You have to keep in mind, Jane and I have always been recreational shoppers: it's one of the activities we enjoy most. But doing it on my own feels hollow, without her there to kibitz on the contents of the shop windows, both lovely and horrible. And while she taught me enough taste in clothing that I *can* choose it for myself, it feels strange and wrong to do so without factoring in her opinion.

The suit is nice, if a tad conservative; she would approve. Indeed, she's been on me for a good five years to buy a new suit. I just dearly wish she hadn't won the argument quite this way...
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A good friend and mentor of mine passed in September and the hundreds of us so profoundly effected kept sharing experiences where we felt a situation was the result of him watching over or sending a message or even having a direct role in things to a degree.

While I had my own, I suspect some were merely the result of finding a need to stay connected in some way - and that's just as important to the healing process regardless of how real said manifestations are perceived by others. Don't lose it.

I am sorry I had to go work :(

Quite all right. This is just one of those experiences I'm going to need to learn to cope with, being able to shop on my own...

Learning how doesn't mean you have to do it all the time. I rather like window-shopping, but mindways doesn't. So if you ever want to just wander around...

Likewise, auntie_elspeth and I count "malling" as a hobby, and we wouldn't mind an excuse to visit the Burlington Mall, one of our favorites, which we haven't been up to in quite a few years. So if you ever want to mount an excursion, give us a call.

Add me to that list - even if I am ridiculously far away. I love helping men buy clothing - especially ones that aren't fighting the experience tooth & nail...

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Deeply though I loved Jane, I have to say that I'll be glad to get to the point where not every moment is about her death.

Hopefully this will probably start happening within a week or two after the services and interment.

I like the idea of passing the medallions on. I'm sure the coronet is too personal, but I've always thought that medallions are meant to be shared. I gave Johan's Pelican to a dear friend a year or two after.

Hugs and peace.


Do you have a Pelican medallion?
Let me know if you need one, either to lend or give.
That's at least something I can help with...

((hugs some more))

I found one decent brooch, which is what we're going to use. (Plus the horse brass, but I'm certainly not going to use that.) I am *certain* she had at least two (and I suspect more like five) more, but damned if I know where they are...

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