If there is one lesson for everyone to draw from my current situation, it is this: make a will. If you have any opinion whatsoever about what happens after your death, it's terribly important to make a will. Most people blithely assume, "Oh, my spouse will get everything", and the reality is that it's not that simple. Yes, Jane died intestate, and that's going to make the next year quite a bit more complicated for me.
My understanding is that I will inherit *most* of Jane's estate, but there's a non-trivial amount that's up for grabs legally. It's unambiguously clear that Jane intended for me to get everything, but we kept putting off actually formalizing that. We finally got a lawyer in the final weeks, and Jane dictated the instructions for a will to that effect, but by the time it was drafted it was too late: the last week she wasn't coherent enough to sign it, and in the final days before that when she *was* coherent enough, she was too emotionally fragile for me to push the point. (I was damned if I was going to upset her over money.)
The time to deal with such things is when it doesn't actually matter, when you can think about it clearly and calmly without it slapping you in the face with your own mortality. So seriously: if you have a spouse, or kids, or parents, or indeed any opinion at all about what happens, just go do it.
Jane was a lot less disciplined, but she gave me at least the most obvious passwords in the last couple of months (and wasn't anywhere near as security-paranoid as I am in the first place), so I haven't had problems logging into anything important so far...
We have assets. We have a minor child. He has an adult child and an ex-wife. We probably need it more than most.
Hear that hon? We need to get this done. AND the living wills.
Thank you.
I made a will prior to surgery some 6 or 7 years ago. Being a single parent, it seemed to be the best protection for my son.
However, it's not enough just to make a will. You also need to keep it up to date. I review mine every January.
And Tasha's comment about bills, bank accounts, passwords and notifications is also pertinent. I've been somewhat lax about that and need to update the spreadsheet that I keep all that stuff in.
this. When my mother died, her father was still listed in her will - he died before my parents were even engaged, I was born a few months before their third anniversary, and I was 13 when she died. This meant that my father had a giant PITA finding the death certificates of her parents and two predeceased siblings.
Now I need to go tie my husband down and make wills... we're not too far behind, it's been less than a year.
But thank you for the reminder - I do need to update my will.
Hugs.
Until I marry, they're probably also the most logical people to leave everything to in terms of money and property. I really have nothing to leave so I hadn't cared about it much, but now I'm buying a house.
If you need someone as backup and are willing to have me do it, I'll do it. I helped pick out the casket and such for my mother when I was 13, I had power of attorney for my father in case of emergency when I was 18, this kind of stuff doesn't bother me any more.
"The time to deal with such things is when it doesn't actually matter, when you can think about it clearly and calmly without it slapping you in the face with your own mortality."
I agree with most of what you write here, but have some quibble here. It *always* matters, which is why you should do it before it's too late -- you never know when 'too late' will suddenly happen. And it *always* slaps you in the face with your own mortality, which makes it very painful to do.
I started working on 'contingency' paperwork for Kes and myself shortly after Franz died unexpectedly. I've made a lot of progress, but I'm not done yet, largely because working on the project eats up a huge amount of emotional energy.
Except for one pension that listed the spouse of record as beneficiary, all of Brian's other assets were delegated to the estate. The house was the only thing left to me in its entirety, in joint tenancy with right of survivor-ship, and I took a bloodbath in the selling of it to keep from foreclosing.
I don't think he knew that in New Jersey, the spouse of an intestate person is entitled to $50,000 plus half the balance of the estate, the rest to be portioned out to any heirs after all debts have been paid. I have paid almost all of his debts, the last two being the final radiology bill and the niche for his and his brother's ashes, which will be paid for by the end of the month. There will be just enough left over to satisfy the bond. I am bonded to portion $7,000 among his three children.
So his daughter in particular feels I am cheating her. The portion of his hospital bills not covered by insurance was a bear, as were the back taxes which I paid for in part out of my pocket. I saw the side of her that Brian's friends warned me about, in any case. I had tried to be her friend in our mutual grief, but she chose instead to become my enemy.
I could not agree with you more. Leave a will so that there can be no doubt in anyone's mind. A will can be contested, perhaps, but at least the contesting person has to be up front about it.
Edited at 2011-02-11 04:06 am (UTC)
By the end of the month we plan to have a legacy folder with a full suite of things including
A todo list
contact info (Family, rabbi, lawyer, work etc)
Wills
Bank Account info
Life insurance policies
If we owned a house the deed would be there
And then we will have a family meeting so everyone knows where it is and how to use it
Points taken
Our lawyer is good, and there are others in the area that are very familiar with this sort of thing. Particularly if you are expecting trouble with family, get all this stuff. It is worth many times what you'll pay for it.