Justin du Coeur (jducoeur) wrote,
Justin du Coeur

The difficulty to come: dating

I have to admit that, while settling Jane's affairs is top of my mind for the moment, part of me is keenly aware of an upcoming danger: I'm going to get lonely altogether too fast.

Those who know me well probably know that romance is quite remarkably important to my self-identity. Jane and I may not have been as cute in the past decade as we were for the first (I got brought up on charges at a Court of Love one year for excessive cute), but the little details of romance were still omnipresent in our lives, and we worked quite hard to keep it that way.

I've already gotten a few comments about not letting myself get pushed into it too quickly, but that kind of misses the point: I am a romantic to my core, and *not* having an SO of some sort is already starting to rankle very deeply.

The problem, of course, is going to be finding someone. I say "romance" quite deliberately: while sex is very important to my life, it's very secondary to romance. And while I fall in love fairly easily, I do have a type that isn't all that common -- smart, sexy, geeky, independent but not aggressive, beautiful in the idiosyncratic ways that I look for beauty. Above all, I fall for a lady's smile: there are some smiles that are just right, and which hook my heart quickly. And ideally, a good dancer. (You know the TV show Angel, and how Lorne could read someone's future just by hearing them sing? I read an amazing amount of personality just from dancing with a woman once -- it's sort of a specialized variant of my well-trained geekdar.)

And the thing is, there are lots of women who I find deeply crush-worthy, but almost all of them fall into two broad categories:
  • Happily married (or at least, happily attached), or

  • Much younger than me.
That's not surprising, of course -- the sorts of women I fall for tend to wind up in good marriages -- but it does leave me nervous about my prospects.

For the moment I'm indulging in a thousand distractions to keep my mind off this. And I can hope that my bad luck of the past couple of years will fade, that I can find that much-needed romance before it eats away at me too badly. But I have to say, of everything currently showing on the path ahead of me, this is the bit that most worries me...

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