Log in

No account? Create an account
Previous Entry Share Next Entry
Irrationality of the day
I'm actually having a generally good day today. But today's twinge came from a slightly unexpected source: cleaning out the bathroom reading. Nothing dramatic -- I simply collected all of the old catalogs that she'd put in there, and moved them to the recycling. It still got to me, and it took a while to figure out the nature of the emotion, but I eventually got it: it feels *disrespectful*. Yes, it's junk; yes, it's junk that even she wouldn't have kept quite this long. (Most of it predates The Cruise From Hell.) But still -- throwing out stuff that was clearly hers, without getting her okay first, feels wrong on a totally primal level.

There's a lot more of that particular twinge to come -- I've long since concluded that I *must* start cleaning the house and asserting control of it, if I'm ever going to own my own life. But I suspect I'll be apologizing a bit, in the back of my mind, throughout...

  • 1
as i mentioned before, let me know if you want help or jsut company to clean out stuff.

Thanks. This sort of thing, though, is just FlyLady'ing -- little tasks that I'm dealing with when I have a few idle minutes here and there...

nod i know. i meant the more pre-deliberated stuff. also, how is your social calendar? wanna try to find some time to hang out without there being a huge party + booze?

Yaas. I'm doing a pretty good job of horribly overscheduling myself, but let's find some time to just hang out...

I apologize right out loud... when I'm not saying "Honey, I love you, but WTF were you thinking?" (I suspect you don't have the issues I have with what I'm finding in this house...)

Edited at 2011-02-16 02:02 am (UTC)

If you ever decide that you would like the assistance of a professional organizer, I can make a recommendation. Her business LJ is http://findyourfloor.livejournal.com/

Thanks, but this is a fairly personal set of tasks. And the truth is, I have a lot of help -- the issue is more with the little things than the big ones...

I mentioned her because she speaks at Arisia regularly and she is very good with helping people with the heartfelt issues.

The cruise from hell? I thought you'd enjoyed the cruise but now I have no idea why I thought that.

Sometime soon, I need to sit down and write the epic story. Suffice it to say, she largely enjoyed the cruise, but for me it was pretty damned terrifying -- that was when her symptoms started to really show up, and I had no idea what was going on except that something was clearly *very* wrong...

Oh, ok. It wasn't that the boat sank or everyone got norovirus or a rat died in your stateroom?

No -- but I had observed in advance that every cruise I'd heard about all year went wrong, and that observation was pretty bitter after the fact. As it happens, though, the cruise was quite lovely for more or less everyone on the ship *except* us.

And I remain impressed at her equanimity, despite being confined to our stateroom for a couple of days, and confined to a wheelchair for the second half of the cruise -- she still managed to have a broadly good time...

I'm sorry it happened that way but I'm glad that she did have a good time.

Oh ouch. That sounds horrible for you.


I have to confess, I'm a packrat, partly because I don't want to deal with the emotions of throwing things out that have any sort of meaning whatsoever. Kudos to you for managing it anyway.

No choice, really: if I don't grapple with it, I'm going to be sharing the space with her ghost forever, and that will be worse in the long run...

Yup. Doesn't mean everyone manages to do that.

Yes it will worse- my Dad is still finding random stuff every so often. He didn't really deal with cleaning out until he was ready to date and it was very, very hard for him to live with a ghost.
You know that you do not have to do everything or anything with stuff right now unless you want to.

I continue to be impressed by your bravery.

(Deleted comment)
I can empathize. Neither ealdthryth nor I feel comfortable clearing away stuff when it belongs to the other one. It made our year-to-organizing a bit tough at times--even when I know something is junk, there was probably a *reason* she kept it (and vice versa). Even if it was Oh, I can fix that later.

I congratulate you on your fortitude.

Edited at 2011-02-16 03:11 pm (UTC)

It is normal, it will happen. Be warned that a twinge (if not an ocular dam failure) may be more powerful if/when you try to clean out the medicine cabinet. I still have boxes to empty from my move of 6 weeks ago. Being totally moved in will drive home the fact that This Has Actually Happened, and it has been just over a year.

Take care, friend.


I hear you. I was pretty ruthless about cleaning out things like clothes and college text books, but even five years on I am helpless to deal with the sentimental stuff, like his model rocket collection and his Boy Scout stuff. My kids aren't interested in these things, so the odds are that no one will ever use them again. Still, I just KNOW he would never have given permission for them to be tossed, and they are too old/beat up for anyone else to find them useful.

I like the suggestion of apologizing out loud. Do whatever works for you, and try not to feel too bad about it.

Edited at 2011-02-16 07:48 pm (UTC)

After Harriet died, I shut the door to the spare bedroom that had served as her fiber studio. And I didn't open it again for a couple of years ... too painful early on, but time passes ... and heals. At that point, going through the accumulated stuff was not painful, though there were a few sighs involved.

  • 1