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For want of a chromosome...
device
jducoeur
[There are a lot of things I like about my current philosophical outlook, and one of them is the focus on the here-and-now -- don't waste too much time fretting about past decisions or future choices, and for heaven's sake, don't indulge might-have-beens. They feel nice, but they're a fine source of dukkha, usually making you unhappy in the long run.

Most of the time I'm pretty good about that. But today is different, and I'm going to allow myself an exception.]
Once upon a time, a cell divided wrong.

It was a small thing at the time: maybe a little bit of genetic damage, or a chromosome misplaced in a daughter cell, or any of a host of other possible errors. But the result was that it didn't know when to quit. And time passed. And here we are.

Just for today, I'm going to peek into the world where that didn't happen.

Today is Jane's 50th birthday.

Yesterday was the blowout party. I'd thought about doing it on Saturday, but we decided not to step on Buttery Birthday. So instead, we had the hordes descend on our house yesterday -- I'd been talking it up for months, and close to 150 people showed at one time or another. In our usual way, instead of getting it catered, we mostly did it ourselves, although *bigger* than usual -- friends brought a bunch of tents and popups for shade, the potluck stretched across five tables, and the party lasted until almost 10pm, when Jane declared that it was time to kick everyone out, since it was a school night. I'll be doing dishes for the next *week*.

Tonight is quieter: a long-planned birthday dinner at Blue Ginger, which is always her favorite. She'll have the dish that used to be butterfish and I'll have the lobster -- tonight is all about celebrating age and habit.

I'm still working at Google -- my temper has come down to a simmer since the nymwars debacle, and I'm still trying to do what I can on the inside to make things better. I'm doing things with the Wave codebase, and still trying to convince people to revive the product in a more business-friendly way. Jane is still toddling along at NREC -- still always fretting about the company's future, but it continues to get by.

Our spare time and attention is being utterly consumed with Carolingia, as we settle into the job. I'm being characteristically over-enthusiastic, with seventeen projects in the pipeline to try and bring the energy levels up. She's being tolerant, and going to most of the out-Barony events with me, but is periodically whapping me and reminding me not to burn out.

And our house is getting ever-more-full of Stuff. We keep talking about doing something about that (and she's gotten me to make progress on the great comic book project), but there's always tomorrow. We have years yet to deal with all of that...
[Make no mistake: my life is good. I'm enjoying building a new life with Kate, and pondering new adventures in my career. It's fun, and exciting in ways that my life hasn't been in a long time.

But today, more than any other day, I have to let myself miss the old certainties -- the life so well-practiced that I had real confidence about where it was going and what would come next...]
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This just breaks my heart.

I would have really enjoyed watching you two chase each other in the Pelicans vs. Laurels boffer battle, though I expect with the party happening you would still have skipped the event.

(A boffer Shepherd's Crook, of course, and a Dance Shoe Of Death...)

I've never indulged in that. Too painful. I'm glad your vision is so lovely.

All I can do is leave a virtual pebble.

That is both sad and beautiful.

That's beautiful and sad all at once. (Edit6:post got away from me before I was ready.)

Edited at 2012-07-05 03:14 pm (UTC)

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